I finished support raising at the end of July, and prepared to return to Thailand. I packed my bags, hung out with my family, and had a lovely last dinner party of the summer with my family. I flew out at the end of the month and arrived in Thailand on August 1st. I had a few days to get over jet lag, and then we started our first in person all staff orientation in several years!
I had an invigorating time at all staff orientation, and then the school year started. I felt so refreshed and relaxed after the summer, and I was so proud of myself for working over the summer to ensure I came back a better person than I left. About a week into school, I was freaking out. I felt overwhelmed by the needs I saw in my students, by expectations I had put on myself, by the behaviors I was micromanaging, and by the exhausting cycle I felt trapped in. I went to my administration over and over trying to find the thing that would be the key to make as many of the problems as possible disappear as quickly as possible. I was cognizant enough that I knew that the track I was on was not sustainable, but not enough to realize what was actually going on.
I had my worst day teaching yet, and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I chatted with people I trusted, and sent an email to my administration. I had a big meeting with them and made some realizations. There were some great growth points that came out of it, but it was also a very humbling experience. I had a hard conversation with my administration in a way that had never happened before, and I feel like it grew my relationship with them. I also realized that I had my eyes stuck too far into the details of my situation. I took some time and pulled my perspective out and realized how unrealistic my expectations had been. I apologized to my administration, and to my students. The humble pie was bittersweet for sure.
Since then, I have still struggled with my students. We are learning several years worth of social-emotional skills while catching up on academic learning that hasn’t happened because of COVID, while remembering how to be a student at school instead of just a kid at home. I knew going into this year that it was going to be a doozy of year, but I had no idea what kind of a doozy of a year it would start off as.
House church has restarted and we welcomed a new family to our little group. It has been so life giving to hear how God is using these people to be His hands and feet to this community outside of the bubble that I get to witness and be a part of every single day. It has also been such a delight to be back with people that love on each other in such practical ways. For example, I am writing this sitting at one of the family’s houses, while the mom is using my minivan to get groceries for her family since her car flooded. I’m hanging out with her teenage daughters while they game and her husband is gardening and working in the yard. I took another member coffee this morning before she took her son in for an EEG to analyze his seizures and hopefully give his doctors the information they need to help get his seizures to stop. Its things like this that remind me that God has me here for this season and for many purposes. I get to love on my people and they love on me.
It is in moments like this, humbled by my life, that I feel how big God is. He knew I would have this class, He put me with this group of believers, and He has orchestrated this to His perfect will. I want to learn the lessons He has in store for me this season, and show His love to these people He has called me to, regardless of their age.
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